Pain Reliever
by AddisonMontgomeryMD
Summary: A story basiscally following the show. What if Derek had seen Addison's ring toss?Chapter 4 is FINALLY up! Intensity of one moment. Please Read and Review!mumbles under breath about how chapter had been ready since Thursday night but wouldn't let her pos
1. Bright and Shiny Ring Toss

Pain Reliever

((Well! I am back and I wrote another fanfic. I realized as I re-watched last weeks episode that Addison wasn't on the bottom level of the ferryboat, so please ignore that fact. LOL…I think I might continue this story and see where it takes me. That is of course if anyone would like me to? The pairing is IFFY to me and to be honest, I want to just write Addison's POV but there might be some weeks I write other characters. I'm not sure yet. I'm just wasting time before church! Anyways, Please Read and Review! ))

There was only one thing Addison didn't count on as she threw her wedding rings over the edge of the ferryboat. It was that Derek was there, watching her through the windows. The look on his face was horrifying and Addison had to turn around and see it, and him all at the same time.

They stood there staring for a good 5 minutes before she nodded at him and he nodded back. They both silently agreed it was for the best and Addison turned her back to him and stared out into the water. She tried to ignore the fact that Derek had just witnessed that and in all actuality, she was quite glad he did. Maybe he wouldn't look at Ferryboats the same way again. Maybe he'll ride the ferryboat across the water and wonder if the rings were floating below him. Sinking under the current, just like her feelings for him had gone.

While Derek was gloating at her all day she wanted nothing better than to slap the hell out of him and tell him to grow some feelings. That day he wrote the definition of insensitive in her mind. When she realized that she couldn't read him and tell if he was happy or acting happy she knew she had to let him go. He was becoming a great actor and she hoped she'd be a better one in the weeks and months to come.

How long could it take to get over him? She had held on to the good memories of him and when she thought they were trying she saw fleeting moments of the Derek she fell in love with. He'd changed though and she was chasing the ghost of a good thing.

She heard the whistle signaling the fact that they were docking in ten minutes and she walked away from the spot that would be etched in her mind. She'd never go on a ferry ever again unless she absolutely had to.

Derek on other hand had been watching her as she turned her back to him and he felt a pang of regret and emptiness and content. Addison had done it, he should feel great. Kind of like he did all day that day, he was practically dancing in the hallways with happiness. Not caring in the world that Addison was around and seeing it. He knew she wasn't happy about it, not at all. But yet here he was once again, hurting her through his actions.

Derek couldn't take his eyes off of her. Part of him felt this all consuming urge to go out there and hug her and tell her everything would get better but he knew if he did that, then the wall he built up in defense to her would come crashing down. The other part of him wanted to break down and cry realizing he drove her to that point. They were divorced for god's sake. Why did he suddenly feel like he lost his best friend?

The wind was knocked out of him at that moment as Addison turned and walked towards the other end of the ferryboat. He felt like she was one walking away and

It hurt everything inside of him hurt. He gripped the end of the windowsill and looked down at the floor blinking back tears. It hit him that he never really mourned his marriage. He stayed angry with her all the time and even when they were working on it, he resented her. By resenting her he never really gave her the chance.

That wasted chance wasn't even really a chance and he started crying quietly and ignored all the patrons moving past him to get off the ferryboat. He couldn't move at all, and just cried. He didn't want to move, he didn't want to get off that ferryboat and go back to Meredith and be all happy over rubbing their relationship in Addison's face. At one point in time the woman had been his best friend and the love of his life all rolled up in one. That wasn't just something you got over in 3 weeks.

He loved Meredith. The love consumed him and made him feel completely numb to being indifferent to his wife and feeling stabbed in the back. He had used that love to pay Addison back and now seeing her move on and throw their rings over the side of the boat made him feel like he had pushed her too far. He knew deep down inside that she wouldn't keep chasing him and he guessed his happy façade all day had pushed her to the point to giving up.

He wanted her to be happy but at the same time, what about him? It was selfish but he was so used to her actions being about him and vice versa. The past few years definitely hadn't been that way. He never did things for her any more and he didn't care if she was sitting at home waiting for him.

Derek took a deep breath and wiped away his tears and looked out the window again and stood up. The fact was that he was the reason their marriage crumbled. He still didn't know when he stopped doing things for her but it didn't matter anymore. Their marriage was over and there was no point in trying to think about it. He didn't want to.

Derek pulled his coat on and took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He would leave it all here. Just like Addison did, he'd try and leave it here. He headed off of the ferryboat and went back to Meredith just like in the end he always would. She was his pain reliever.


	2. Flowerly Everclear Night

Hello All! Thanks for the reviews! I probably will continue this as long as ideas pop in my mind! I will probably write a chapter after each show and then one in between. Hopefully I won't go all AU on ya guys!! Now, Unfortunately the pairing on this story will probably be up to the show. So, Bornonthursday, If the show goes to Addek, It will head that way! ;-) Of course, I might have Derek jump in and be all Addek in memory. Especially since they're going to reminisce about their w…never mind! I read spoilers! Anyways this chapter is AU a little bit…Even though I really hope they go the way that the Callie/Addison friendship goes. I mean come on guys, Callie's mom says JUJU!

**_Flowery Everclear Night_**

Addison's fun filled night being ring free started early. She had just stepped onto the hotel elevator when she heard a woman's voice call out her name. The elevator doors shut before she could even see who it was.

"Crap!" Addison exclaimed quietly and pushed the Lobby button. The elevator kept going up of course and she felt slightly annoyed but it. Someone knew she was staying here and she wanted to see who it was. Maybe another one of Derek's sister came to town! She knew as soon as she saw Nancy that pretty soon all of them would swoop down and try to "save" Derek's life. She silently hoped it was Anna, she and Anna could shop until they dropped and still get in some crazy coffee shop time.

As soon as the doors opened up on the 22nd floor she was overwhelmed with the smell of Floral Lysol. She coughed a little and stepped off the elevator digging through her purse for her room key and headed down the hall to her room. She looked up after finding her keys and stopped straight in her tracks.

Instead of normally seeing a clear path to her door, there were flowers. Not just 3 flowers, there were FLOWERS. Tons of FLOWERS everywhere. Vases of flowers, Roses, Lilies, Daisies; Addison could have a floral shop with how many flowers there were.

"What the…." Addison said out loud and sighed and turned heading towards the other end of the hall. She found the door she was looking for and knocked on it loudly. She waited about 10 seconds before knocking again, this time not stopping. "Mark! I know you're in there! Get out here."

The door opened and as usual whenever Addison came over to his room there he was. Wearing a big grin and just his boxers. "Dr. Addison Montgomery, What do I owe this pleasure? I have to tell you I am still completely out of any alcohol, Sorry…" He looked past her and a puzzled look came on his face. "What are those?"

"That's the question I was about to ask _you_." Addison crossed her arms looking up at him and straight in the eyes. "Why did you get me all of those? I told you…" She stopped as Mark moved past her and walked down the hall. "Mark what are you doing?"

Addison turned and followed him pushing her hair behind her ears and just continued speaking as he went to the flowers looking through all of them for something. "I told you I didn't want you here, and you've got to be kidding me with the flowers."

"Addison, I didn't get these for you." Mark knelt down and picked up the bouquet of roses. "But I'll take these ones…" He stood up and moved to her kissing her on the forehead. "I know you don't want me here, but I'm here and down the hall and you don't seem to have a problem finding your way to my room every other night a couple of weeks ago. Drunk or not drunk you find it."

Addison shook her head, she hadn't gone to his room in a few weeks but it was nice knowing he was down the hall. That was a dangerous thing though. "You swear?" She asked looking straight at him, trying her best not to let her eyes go elsewhere. Deep down she had hoped it was him, if it wasn't who the hell could it had been?

Mark felt the rose petals and ignored her question. "Damn Addison, these are real."

Addison rolled her eyes as he ignored her question. He never swore to anything if he helped it. He had sworn one thing and that was he loved her and look where that had ended up. "Sure Mark, Okay. Thanks for answering that question truthfully." She moved through the flowers and slipped her room key in. She knew he was right behind her and she turned quickly. "Mark no. I'm exhausted, I've had a long day and I don't feel like ent…entertaining you. "

Mark reached his hand up and placed a missing strand of hair behind her ear. "Then let me entertain you." He said quietly a grin coming over his face a few seconds after saying it.

Addison slapped his hand and took a step back into her room. "No thanks. I can entert…I can find something to do myself." She blushed slightly realizing what she was about ready to imply and took the roses from him smelling them a little and then handing them back to him and pushed him out. "Night Mark!" She shut the door before he could touch her or say anything and locked it. She locked it with the bolt also just in case he had managed to talk the front desk agent into giving him a room key.

The lights came on easy and she slipped out of her heels. The message light on her phone was on and she called down to the operator and asked to speak with the front desk. It only took a few minutes until they picked up.

"Thank you for calling the front desk, Dr. Montgomery this is Amy at your service!" The fake cheerful voice said and Addison cringed a little sitting down on the bed.

"Hi, This is Addison Montgomery in room 2214 and when I got off the elevator there were about, oh um, Let's just say 45 dozen flowers laying outside my room and I really would like to know who delivered them and who they were from." Addison tried her best not to sound as annoyed as she felt.

"I'm not sure who that could have been Dr. Montgomery. Our bell stand actually takes care of deliveries to the room and I'm pretty sure they would have noticed someone delivering that many flowers. Would you like me to transfer you to them? Wait, It looks like you have a message also!"

Addison didn't reply but she sat up hoping it was a message from the person who bought the flowers. "Really? Who's it from?"

"It's actually from room 1807. A Dr. Torres."

"Dr. Torres sent me flowers?" Addison said out loud. That didn't sound correct and she laughed slightly. "Sorry, what does the message say?"

"It just says, and I quote…Addison, Get on a going out outfit and meet me in my room. It's time to go get that drink after all."

"Oh, All right. Never mind about the bellman, I guess I'll just leave it alone. I'll find out sooner or later." Addison got up from the bed and held the phone to her ear moving to the closet. "What would you do with 45 dozen flowers Amy?" She asked opening the closet.

"Me? Wow um, I'd give them to a funeral home Dr. Montgomery and by the way, I really wasn't supposed to say anything but, I did see a few guys bring in flowers. I thought it was for a wedding but it looked like a delivery service so maybe someone ordered them for you."

"Yeah well, who knows thanks though!" Addison clicked the phone off and tossed it on to the hotel bed.

An hour later Addison had just barely finished getting ready whenever she heard a knock on the door. She frowned and finished putting on her lip-gloss and moved to the door opening it and seeing Callie there.

"About damn time!" Callie said and un-crossed her arms. "Where ya been? I saw you in the lobby and I left that message about 4 hours ago!"

"I'm sorry, I just got home about an hour ago and I wanted to take a shower." Addison stepped aside and looked past her at all the flowers still lying in the hallway. "Here, You can have one of those flowers as my apology!" She started laughing and moved away going back to the mirror.

"Yeah I saw those, I guess George was…Never mind anyways!" Callie walked into the room shutting the door. "You do really about 5 minutes ago Mark was still shifting through your flowers right? He told me he was trying to find a card that said who they were from. He gave up right before I knocked on your door."

"He was _still_ out there? Seriously? That's just…sad." Addison looked at Callie and they both started laughing. She finished putting her earrings in and reached onto the dresser for her wedding rings and then felt around for them. "Have you seen m…Oh. Their gone."

"What's gone?" Callie asked as she sat down in the chair by the door watching Addison.

"My wedding rings." Addison turned to face Callie and held up her hand. "I threw them over the side of the ferry boat."

"Into the lake??" Callie said slowly as if she could picture it. A few seconds later after hearing Addison start to crack up she hit her forehead and groaned. "That was the stupidest thing I've said all day and I've said some stupid things."

Addison continued to laugh and grabbed her black purse. "That was pretty damn good…" She straightened out her sweater and jeans grabbing her coat. "You ready to go? We're going to Joe's right?"

"Yep…Good ol' Joe's! Well, Emerald City Bar. We might run into a few well-known people. I'm just warning ya." Callie got up from the chair and opened the door. "If so, We'll dance our asses off and keep ordering drinks!"

Addison laughed the second time for that day and started to feel a little better. Having Callie around sure wasn't half bad. She had felt horrible after seeing Derek on the ferryboat and she wanted to drink, but with Callie and her starting to talk she knew she found a drinking partner.

The bar was already crowded with the usual late Saturday night crowd as Callie and Addison made their way in. Every now and then they'd hear their name get called out and a simple greeting after it. Addison forgot just who she was waving too as Callie led the way to the bar. They sat down on the bar stools and Addison's purse accidentally hit some guy in his back. "Opps! Sor…" She stopped as the guy turned and she saw it was Alex. She couldn't help but smirk a little. "Sorry Dr. Karev." She looked passed Alex and saw Izzie and nodded. "Hey Dr. Stevens."

"Dr. Montgomery-Sheppard…I mean…Dr. Montgomery." Alex quipped and turned his back to her. He hadn't talked to her since he jumped into her surgery the other week and Addison had felt that he was purposely avoiding her. Not that she had noticed that much. She laughed at the look Izzie was shooting Alex and then turned to look to Joe.

"Hey Joe! Can Callie and both get some drinks?" Addison leaned forward on the bar looking at all the alcohol. Last time she had just drank whiskey and then had started to mix it with vodka. She had stuck with the basics.

"How about Tequila?" Callie asked Addison and then winked at Joe

Joe whistled and set two glasses on the table in front of them. "I'll let you two battle the drinks out while I go excuse the pun, go nurse those nurses drinks at the other end of the bar." He walked away and Addison shot Callie a look.

"Seriously? I am not drinking Tequila. A certain Grey person has ruined that type of alcohol for me. I even taste Tequila I have mental pictures of her and my husband having sex…"

"How about Ev…" Addison couldn't hear what Callie said because all the sudden she heard Alex's loud mouth behind her.

"You guys are divorced now aren't you? Why are you calling him your husband still?"

Addison turned a little in the bar stool and fell back a little realizing just how close Alex was to her. " Dr. Karev, Shouldn't you be on call for Dr. Sloan? Maybe delivering his dinner to his room?" She snapped and turned her back to him looking at Callie. "What were you saying?" She purposely ignored whatever Alex said next.

The look on Callie's face was a little priceless. Addison couldn't quite put her finger on it. "What?" She asked when Callie didn't answer.

"How about Everclear? I haven't had that in awhile. Hey Joe! Can Addison and I get some Everclear?" Callie called to Joe and held out her glass. "Lots of it?"

Addison glanced behind Callie and saw George walk in with his brothers. She bit into her bottom lip hoping Callie wouldn't notice.

"Sorry guys! I don't serve Everclear here…It's illegal to serve it." Joe came over and pulled out a bottle from the bottom of the bar that wasn't labeled. "How about this? It's alooooot like it." He winked at them both and opened it up pouring their glasses 3/4th of the way. "I'll only serve it to doctors I like but I'm not giving you anymore then this."

Addison held the cup up and shook it a little as if to stir it. "I don't think I've ever had this…"

Callie grinned at the wink Joe shot them both and took a little sip. Her eyes shut, as she the alcohol burned it's way down her throat. "Hmm, I'll never forget this taste. Thanks Joe!" She exclaimed as she opened her eyes. She took a deep breath and then chugged the rest of it down slamming the glass on the table and looked at Addison. "Come on!"

"Are you serious? This stuff even _smells_ highly alcoholic." Addison stared at Callie in disbelief as Callie reached over the bar grabbing the bottle from Joe's hand.

Callie handed Joe a hundred and gave him puppy dog eyes.

"Don't drink it all…" Joe warned and looked between them both. "I'm serious…" He walked away and moved back to where his boyfriend and his friends were at the other end of the bar.

Addison stirred the drink with her finger and stuck her finger in her mouth and made a face. "Callie this is disgusting…can't I get like, Smirnoff?"

"Absolutely not…" An evil grin came over Callie's face and she started chanting something. Addison leaned forward to hear what she was saying and as Callie's words got louder she started shaking her head. "No!"

"CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!" Callie chanted getting louder. Addison groaned as the words started catching on and pretty soon everyone had turned to face them both.

"This is why I drink alone!" Addison yelled over the chanting and held the drink in her hand.

"Meredith would have that gone in 20 seconds flat." Addison heard Alex say into her ear. That pretty much pissed her off for some reason and before she could think she held the drink up.

"FINE!" She shouted and set the glass to her lips and started drinking it. She choked as she felt it going down her throat and she started coughing after she finished it. She barely saw anyone as her eyes were watering but all she could hear was everyone cheering.

"WOO DR. MONTGOMERY!" She head a few people shout and she continued to cough as someone place water in front of her. She reached for it but Callie pulled it out of her hand pouring more Everclear into her empty glass.

"Come on Addison, I know you can help me finish half of this bottle." Callie asked Joe for some shot glasses and he placed them in front of her. She filled one up and slid it to Addison and poured herself a shot. "This is for…" Callie held up the shot. "You getting rid of bad divorce Juju rings!" She drank the shot down and then looked at Addison.

"You know what, Fine! I'll drink this. I'll help out!" Addison took the shot and this time it didn't burn as bad.

Pretty soon each shot had started tasting like candy cane and each excuse for a shot was becoming more ridiculous. For some reason also she had suddenly taken to leaning her back against someone else's back behind her. They had also started to share shots with people around the bar and everyone had started shouting out things to take shots about. Addison tried to keep ignoring Alex's comments behind her back.

"I swear to go…" Addison started leaning forward to say something about Alex.. She forgot it and started cracking up whenever Callie reached for the bottle and it wasn't there anymore.

Addison looked up behind the bar and saw Joe standing there holding the bottle up.

"Doctors! I told you not to drink it all and now there's barely enough for about 9 more shots."

"Jo…Joe! We gave some to everyone else to! It's no…not our fault!" Addison pointed at Joe and shook her head. She fell back a little and someone pushed her up right again. "We gave some to George and Call…" She stopped looking around for Callie realizing she had disappeared. "Where's Callie?"

"She went off with George." Addison turned toward the voice and saw Alex's face pretty close to hers. She pushed him away by his cheek and shook her head. "That's not fair! Where is she?" She started to move from the bar stool and slipped a little grabbing a hold of the bar. Her eyes slid shut as if she was trying to visualize where Callie was. Instead she only felt Alex's hands on her waist stopping her from falling.

Addison's eyes flew open and she pushed at his arms, suddenly soberly aware about how close he was to her and how comfortable he was about just grabbing her.

"Let me go Dr. Karev or I swear you will regret it!" Addison snapped and glared up at him. Well glaring the best she could.

"Fine." Alex let go of her and she fell to the floor quickly.

Addison felt the wind get knocked out of her and she shook her head trying to catch her breath. In the few moments she was on the ground she felt her anger and frustration with him come back and she grabbed a hold of the bar stool pulling herself up and stood up. She held her finger out right in front of his face. "What the hell is your problem Dr. Karev? Do you _not _see that I'm trying to drink with my friend!"

"Of course I see that and you can stop drinking any time now!" Alex slapped her hand out of his face.

"I'll continue to drink whenever and however many drinks I want!" Addison yelled leaning against the bar for support. "What the hell does it matter to you anyways?" She turned to Joe. "Joe! Can I get a Smirnoff?" She turned back to Alex and glared a little. "Any.Flavor.Any.Size." She said and moved back up onto the bar stool.

Joe placed a drink in front of her, but it wasn't Smirnoff it was water. "No more Addison." Joe said sternly and picked up the phone on his bar. "I'm calling you a cab."

The smug look on Alex's face made her scowl a little and she picked up the glass of water. "Stop looking at me. Your _girlfriend_ left." She emphasized girlfriend meaning Izzie and a grin came over her face as Alex's look suddenly matched her old scowl.

"You were ditched, probably when you tried to hit on me." She giggled and held up her water to Joe forgetting all about the Smirnoff. "I told you I was wildly attractive Joe!" She took a deep long drink of her water.

"Maybe I should call Dr. Sloan for you Addison, Get your nightly hook up all ready back at your hotel."

Addison choked on her water hearing what Alex said and started coughing. The room was spinning a little as she took another drink and turned to look at Alex. "You son of a…"

"Addison! Let's go!" Callie grabbed Addison's arm stopping her from continuing her sentence.

"Fine…Hold on." Addison stood up from the bar stumbling a little towards the door. She realized she still had the glass of water in her hand and turned. "Hey Dr. Karev!" She shouted and then threw the glass of water at him as he turned around.

Addison didn't get to see the water hit him but she heard the glass fall to the ground shattering. She started giggling feeling someone start to walk her out to the cab. She didn't hear Callie's voice anymore and her eyes slid shut. She was flat out drunk. That Everclear, or whatever it was, was good stuff!

She climbed into the taxi and leaned against the man who had lead her out. She barely heard Callie giggling and slurring words and she opened her eyes looking up at the guy who had led her out. It was one of George's brother.

"Thank you!" Addison sing songed and patted his hand.

George's brother held up his left hand. "Married, But I'll help you."

"Since when does marriage stop men?" Addison asked and her words led to silence in the whole taxi. She blinked back tears but closed her eyes fighting them off. She had told herself to let it all go on the ferryboat and she had. She leaned against George's brother and drifted off to sleep.

Bright. That was the first word Addison could think of as she started waking up the next morning. She groaned and rolled over in the bed pulling the pillow over her face. She thought her hardest to remember what had happened last night and how she ended up in her hotel room at the end of it. All she remembered was clear alcohol and leaning against some man while drinking. Her pager started going off and she sat up in bed quickly and reached over grabbing it. It was just a page telling her she needed to come into work in about 3 more hours.

"No no no!" She yelled a little and tossed it on to the floor. She layed back in bed and stared up at the ceiling and sighed. She knew she had to go to work today and she silently thanked god for the fact that she didn't get really bad hangovers. She grinned to herself wondering what Callie looked like and started getting ready for work humming.

Well that's the end of Chapter 2! I don't know if I really wrote Drunken Addison that well! But it sure was fun! Next chapter will be the next day and the ending before Thursday's eppy hopefully! I'm trying to follow Grey's Anatomy route of things that are going to happen to everyone. But I might go off route! Anyways! Please read and Review:D Thanks!


	3. Peace, Tense and to be held

(Hey guys! Yeah, drunk Addison is hilarious. A fool's fool is what she is. LOL j/k! Here's another chapter. I've been working on it for about 4 hours so yeah, hopefully you guys like it and it's not disappointing. The flowers are kinda AU and the bar scene but yanno, I always wonder what happen in between episode's so I'm gonna try and fill in the blanks. I'll write again after tonight's show! Please read and review and have a great thanksgiving! )

_**Peace, Tense and to be held**_

Addison was heading to the door after getting dressed and ready for work when there was a knock on the door. She slipped into her heels and opened the door to Mark standing there. A huge grin, 2 coffees and a bag of what it looked like to be bagels.

"It's Strawberry cream cheese and a blueberry bagels! Your favorite?" Mark held them out. "And I got you French Vanilla Cappuccino. Peace offering for the day?"

Addison tilted her head a little and smiled. "Peace offering for the crap you're going to put me through, through out the day?"

"Maaaaaaaybe, and you might hear about what I did last night to that guy you took with you to your hotel room." He held them out further looking a little sheepish this time. "Peace?"

Oh crap. Addison's eyes got wide and she looked back into her room. Bed looked like only she had slept in it and nothing looked broken so she _knew _she hadn't had someone in there. She tended to get a little…rough when drunk. She looked back at him puzzled. "What guy?" She thought hard about last night and shook her head slowly. "I didn't have any guy in here."

She stepped out into the hallway and shut the door taking the cappuccino from him and sipping it shutting her eyes. "Mmmm…" She said softly and sighed. This would help her itsy bitsy headache she had. She opened them up again to Mark who was looking her over.

"Well…I came out last night whenever you and I guess, George's brother got off the elevator, and you were basically leaning against him for support…" Mark trailed off and turned heading down the hallway. "Anyways, We better head to work."

"What? No no no! You weren't finished get back here!" Addison went after him and grabbed his arm. "Finish, what'd ya do?" She took the bag of bagels from him and then pushed the elevator button.

Mark waited for the elevator doors to open and then stepped on them turning to look at her. "I waited for him to come out and then I threw him against the wall and basically scared the crap out of him." He shrugged and took a drink out of his coffee pushing the lobby button not waiting for her to get on.. "Oh and I told him not to mess with my girlfriend anymore." He smirked up at her as the doors slid shut.

"Wh…what? MARK SLOAN!" Addison reached out to stop the doors but they were quicker than her. She'd KILL him. The last thing she needed was for everyone to think her and Mark were dating.

She pushed the elevator button over and over again growing impatient. The elevator across the hall opened and she rolled her eyes getting on it, knowing as soon as she got to the hospital she was going to hunt Mark down and tear into him.

As soon as she arrived at the hospital, it seemed like God had other plans. One of her patients had taken a turn for the worst and she spent over 4 hours of the afternoon closely monitoring her and then another hour doing an emergency C-Section delivering triplets. During the surgery she had just happened to glance up into the observation box and see Alex watching the surgery.

Knowing he was even up there she smirked through the rest of the surgery. She knew he'd miss being on "gyne". Sure they'd spent half the time arguing and the other half staying clear of each other, but she knew within time he'd realize she wasn't that bad. She was definitely better than Mark. At least she let Alex do things involving surgery.

After surgery she headed down to the Nurse's Station after getting page by Callie. It was probably for them to eat dinner before getting sucked into paper work.

Addison walked up to the Nurse's station holding another coffee in her hand. She leaned over grabbing all of her charts and turned seeing Callie heading over. "Hey! Do you remember what happened last night?"

Callie's grin scared the hell out of Addison and her eyes grew wide. "What?"

"Let's discuss it over dinner in 15 minutes okay? I have a lot to cover with you." Callie started laughing walking away from Addison.

Addison stared at Callie's back in disbelief. "Oh crap…" She mumbled and then went back up to her office. She tossed the charts on the desk and sat down leaning back rubbing her forehead.

There was one person she hadn't seen all day and forgot to even think about. It was Derek. Out of nowhere she smelled his familiar scent and she looked around her office. Was he in here? It was wishful thinking. The last time he had come into her office it was to ask whether or not she got Chief's email about Prom and that was forever ago.

She closed her eyes, once again blinking back tears. She took a deep breath and tried to fight them off but it hurt too much to think about Prom. She knew as soon as Derek walked back up that night he had done something.

You can't just be married to someone for 11 years and not know their moods, or their faces, or what they look like after they quickly throw their clothes back on, Or how his hair was slightly tussled like someone had been grabbing it. She chose to ignore how he looked afterwards deciding, Ignorance was bliss but once she found Meredith's underwear in his tux she knew she couldn't ignore it anymore.

Derek had decided _not_ to ignore it anymore. He had decided for the both of them that ignorance wasn't bliss and he did something about it. Not caring about Addison anymore. He knew she'd find it and Addison had held onto that fight and it gave her enough courage to pin Meredith's underwear up on that board. It was as if to say, 'Yes Derek, I know about you two and this is my white flag'.

Addison let a few tears slip out and then wiped them away coughing a little controlling her tears. She grabbed her purse and pulled out her make up and decided that those were the only tears she'd let herself cry for him that day. For damn it, She let go on the ferryboat! That was supposed to be it.

Her pager went off and she looked at it and shook her head. Only Callie would page her the numbers 311. Eat had 3 letters in it and 1 1 was just the normal numbers after 911. She got up from her desk and pushed in her chair heading to the cafeteria.

The first thing she noticed when walking into the cafeteria was the fact that it was quiet. She glanced at her watch and it was only 10:30 pm it should be packed. She stopped half way in and looked around at the few tables that were occupied. The one that caught her eye was over in the corner.

Sitting there, around a table was all of Bailey's interns and Derek. She felt her stomach flip a little as she watched him. She couldn't move at all, she felt frozen.

Derek was just sitting there, playing with his apple twisting the stem not talking. He looked as if he was thinking pretty hard about something. He looked so incredibly sad.

"Isn't that weird?" Addison heard Callie say behind her and she turned to face her.

"What's weird?" Addison said softly and looked back at the table. She then frowned realizing what was so weird about that whole table…No one was talking.

Derek was sitting next to Meredith, lost in thought. Meredith kept glancing between Addison and Derek as if she was trying to place two and two together. George was sitting next to Christina, staring at her as if trying read her mind. Christina was looking straight at the wall, an annoyed look on her face. Izzie kept glaring at Alex and was unwrapping her lunch looking pretty pissed off Alex was stuck on his phone probably doing something for Mark. No one was talking at all. Just sitting there.

"They all look like they've lost their puppy or something." Callie shrugged and leaned close to Addison. "Maybe Meredith slept with Alex, that's why Izzie's pissed off. George is probably wondering if Christina knew and Derek probably just found out and is thinking hard about how he can be more like Alex Karev, because you and I both know he's like a mini-Mark Mart, open 24/7 to any sexual favors."

As soon as Addison heard Callie call Alex a mini-Mark Mart she started cracking up, snapping out of her ice age freeze. She followed Callie up to the non-existent line and felt everyone's eyes on her. She turned to glance back at the table and couldn't help but laugh at everyone staring at her and Callie.

"Why are all of them looking at us?" Addison whispered to Callie grabbing just some salad plate and a cup of chocolate pudding. There was that grin on Callie's face again. "Whaaaaaaat?"

Callie started laughing and just walked to a table in the middle of the cafeteria. Addison followed her shooting looks at everyone at the other tables looking at her. "Okay, seriously," She set her tray down next to Callie. "What the hell happened last night?"

"Well let's see, where should I start?" Callie said dramatically shaking her chocolate milk. "You're an extreme lightweight. That's all I can tell you and if you live anywhere near me we're going to have to work on that. You flirted with pretty much each guy that came up to get a free shot of that stuff; you gave it away that it was Everclear." She paused to take a drink out of her chocolate milk and Addison started laughing.

"That doesn't sound too bad." Addison waved her hand at her and took a sip out of her cappuccino and took a bite out of her salad.

"Oh no honey. It gets a lot better." Callie smirked and leaned forward. "You tried to dance around the chair and failed miserably. I had to pull you back on the stool and then you faced me and were leaning allll over Dr. Karev." She glanced at George and leaned back. "I left with George to go talk about his father and brothers for about 2 seconds and when I came back you were vvvvvvvvery close to chewing him out."

As soon as Callie said she was leaning all over Alex she had dropped her fork and her jaw had dropped. She couldn't believe that. "I don't remember that…" She thought pretty hard and then remembered someone holding her up with their back for a little bit. "That was…Alex?" She said slowly and looked over Alex shaking her head. "Seriously?"

"Yep…" Callie grinned looking Addison over and then over at Alex. " I never thought you'd two would be soooooo chummy! But you weren't because as we were leaving…you did something I didn't think you had in you. You turned around, threw the water Joe gave you at Alex and Addie, We gotta work on your throwing skills too, because you got water over half of everyone in the bar and the glass broke maybe 3 feet from him. Joe was pretty mad about it. I remember him saying your wildly attractive self was no longer aloud to drink that much…ever."

"Oh my god! I remember that! He pissed me off so much." Addison had already forgotten what Callie had said about him and her being so chummy. "I have to go see Joe and pay him back and apologize." She started to get up but stopped as Callie pulled her back down to her chair.

"No, it's okay. Besides, let's go back next Friday. That was a blast! I already went in there today to apologize for both of us. It got pretty rowdy when we left according to George's other brother. You want to know what Joe told me? He said that the whole time you were drinking. Alex kept trying to switch your drink out with water. I was too drunk and distracted by George to know it. And that half way through your dance around the chair, Izzie left in a little bit of a huff."

Addison groaned and hid her face in her hands the rest of the night coming back to her. Babbling in the taxi about how much of an a Alex was, and how if she had the chance she'd knock him flat and then give him the hardest surgery. Babbling about Derek and his whore Meredith and how if she'd run into that girl on the street she'd…

"Oh! Annnnnnnnd, Mark told George's brother that you two were dating. Why am I the last to know this fact?" Callie teased Addison and started laughing at the way everything was clicking to her.

"I'll have you kno…" Addison was cut off but sudden shouting and she looked around wondering what the heck was going on. She turned and finally saw where it was coming from.

Derek's table suddenly wasn't quiet anymore. It was like everyone just started shouting at once. Addison tried to catch everything that was being said but everyone was yelling or storming off all at once.

"All I ask for is to be let in! We're supposed to be dating, _without _SEX for god's sake. It should be easier for you to talk to me!"

"You were giving ME alcohol and her water! Why?"

"I can't believe you called in someone else! Burke is supposed to be your best friend George! That's like…your dad breaking a bone and you call someone else other than Callie. Oh wait you did!"

That was all Addison could make out before Callie had stood up from her chair. "Let's go! I don't like being spoken about when I'm right here." She took her tray and headed for the door but was cut off by George, Meredith and Izzie walking out.

Addison looked back at the table where Christina, Derek and Alex were sitting and just started cracking up. She didn't know why she was laughing but for some reason that was just too damn funny. All 3 of them looked like guilty, pissed off 4 year olds who just got caught doing something wrong. She stood up from her table and headed out of the cafeteria still laughing.

Derek had noticed exactly when Addison had walked in and had tried his best to keep his eyes off of her. Meredith had been at him all day asking him what was wrong. Sure he hadn't exactly been as happy as he had been yesterday. But you can only act and be all cheery before it gets old. He guessed Meredith figured they'd wake up today and be all bright and shiny again but he wasn't.

He had a very confusing dream and ever since waking up this morning to Meredith kissing his neck he'd got up, kissed her on the forehead and left going back to his trailer and sat on the couch for a while thinking over this dream.

Derek was back on the ferryboat, looking at Addison through the window again. She had just thrown the rings over the edge and in his dream he ran out from the room and pushed Addison aside and jumped over the ledge, diving after the rings. What was weird about it was that as he went into the water, he actually felt himself crying and being pulled under. Like he was drowning. That's when he had woken up and left Meredith in bed asleep and went into the bathroom. It took a nice shower before he could calm down enough to go back into the bedroom and sleep again.

He felt Meredith's hand on his arm and he looked up at her a little surprised as is he had suddenly figured out she was there. "Yeah?" He asked quietly leaning forward wondering what she wanted.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked, for what seemed to be the 50th time today to him. He was getting pretty tired of it.

"Meredith, for the hundredth time. I am fine. If anything is wrong, then I'll let you in and tell you. But _nothing_ is wrong." He didn't mean for it to come out as it did but as soon as he said the last word, and the anger showed on her face he knew he had pushed her out a little too much.

Out of nowhere it was as if the whole table, all the girls just exploded.

"All I ask for is to be let in! We're supposed to be dating, _without _SEX for god's sake. It should be easier for you to talk to me!" Meredith had basically shouted at him and stood up not waiting for him to reply. She gathered all her stuff as everyone else went off.

"You were giving ME alcohol and her water! Why?" Izzie was the one who just paused long enough to see Meredith was leaving.

"I can't believe you called in someone else! Burke is supposed to be your best friend George! That's like…your dad breaking a bone and you call someone else other than Callie. Oh wait you did!" Christina had snapped at George.

Derek was too busy watching the other two fight that he didn't notice Meredith walk away until Izzie headed after her. George was the first one to walk away from Christina, not saying anything to her.

He felt bad for snapping at Meredith. She was an innocent bystander to his confusion. He didn't know what the hell the dream meant but it moved something in him. Something in that dream made him pause and he was tired of thinking about it. That's when he heard Addison laughing and he turned to watch her follow Callie.

Derek felt an unfamiliar tug at his heart, he hadn't felt that since he first met Addison and he watched her leave with her current boyfriend at the time. It was as if then he felt like he never had a chance with her and he knew that now, He didn't either. Not that he wanted it! He had Meredith. That was what he threw away for Meredith. It should be enough to see Addison laughing and walking out right?

Addison spent the rest of her shift checking up on the triplets. She stopped by George's dad's room and ran into George and his brothers there. She apologized to his brother and only laughed when he said to go put Mark in place. He had indeed scared the poor guy.

She ran into Alex on her way down to see Mark and rolled her eyes as he just walked by her not saying anything. He looked pretty pissed.

She turned and started to follow him and almost ran into him when he stopped right in the middle of an empty hallway.

"What?" Alex asked and looked her up and down. " You don't have a chart, so what's your reason for being on this side of the hospital? Oh right Mark!"

"Dr. Karev, Don't start with me. I wanted to say…" Addison sighed and looked to the ground. "Sorry for last night." She mumbled the last part, not really believing she said it.

Alex did a double take and smirked a little. "What?"

Addison looked up at him and tried her best not to strangle him. In fact she balled her fists up so she could resist the urge to. "I said…I'm sorry for last night. It was really immature of me to try and…" She stopped and looked him straight in the eyes. "You dropped me! I was drunk and you…you literally dropped me. I think you deserved a little water. Never mind!" She pushed her way past him to go find Mark.

"You can't take back an apology!" Alex called after her and shook his head watching her retreating back.

Addison turned at the end of the hallway. "Fine! I'm sorry for you embarrassing yourself in front of Izzie!" She yelled back to him and turned going off to Mark's office quickly, laughing to herself. She didn't want to fight with him, sober and in the hospital and that conversation sounded too much like it would go on between friends.

Addison looked around everywhere for Mark, only to find that he'd already left for the evening. She sighed and headed back up to her floor. Kinda disappointed about not being able to yell at him. She headed into her office but was stopped by Callie walking out of her office with a vase of flowers.

"Hey, I had someone bring all those flowers from your hotel room to here and I figured since you didn't want anything to do with them maybe we could just pass them out to patients?" Callie asked and held the vase out. "I shoulda asked but I completely forgot by the time dinner came."

Addison looked at the flowers and then at Callie and started to smile. She couldn't believe that she didn't think of that she felt her respect grow for Callie. "That is completely fine and really nice of you Callie."

Callie grinned at her and then walked away and the rest of the shift, between checking on patients, was spent passing out flowers. The last vase of flowers were sitting on Addison's desk and she stood in front of it not really sure if she should keep it or what she should do.

If she kept it, she'd still look up at it and wonder who their from. If she got rid of it, she'd still wonder who they were from but only once in awhile. She reached out and touched the rose petals and leaned down smelling them. She'd keep 'em. It'd be a nice reminder to her mournful self that someone apparently still had interest.

Addison left the flowers sitting on her desk and grabbed her purse. Her first shift rings free was over and eventful as it was she still had reached for them after surgery. She had even rubbed her finger in between typing up papers and consulting with patients. Derek seemed to have been avoiding her or maybe that was just her wishful thinking. She shut off the office lights and headed out to her car.

That night when she laid in bed, hugging a pillow and staring out the window she suddenly just felt the need to be held. She sighed and decided to do something that she hadn't done in a few weeks. She got up out of bed and pulled her robe on, silently consoling herself about what she was about to.

Addison slipped into her slippers and grabbed her room key.

"All I want is to be held, all I want is to be held." She repeated over and over again as she moved to the door. She opened it up and that's when she saw him.

He was headed down the hall to his room laughing and he wasn't alone.

"All I want is to be…" Addison trailed off seeing the woman with him and how he opened the door to his hotel room and they both walked in, the door shutting behind him.

"To be…held." She finished softly and blinked back tears moving back into the hotel room and shutting the door. She took off her robe feeling numb and could just imagine that woman touching Mark.

It was that thought that for some reason got her upset. She wasn't sure if it was because he wouldn't be able to hold her tonight or that he was sleeping with some other woman. She knew Mark wouldn't hold that woman. He'd probably kick her out afterwards and knowing every woman in America, she'd probably beg to stay. Strip tease and everything.

Everyone needed to be held every once awhile and who would have thought, the night she was all ready for Mark to hold her and help her move on a little bit he was already getting it on with someone else. Instead now, Addison was left, alone, hugging a pillow.

Addison closed her eyes and took a deep breath calming down and then just broke down crying. Maybe she'd spend a little bit more tears on Derek…and Mark. Tomorrow was another day she'd have to get through without the rings and without the comfort of knowing Mark wasn't really there to hold her anymore.


	4. Intensity of one moment

WOW! Thursday's episode was INTENSE. I'm going to start out this chapter with the moment between Alex/Addison because yeah, that's the last time we saw her. OMG that moment was soooo uncomfy to watch but hella Nevermind. I'm staying neutral for now ;-) Those who know me, know who I'm rooting for. Enjoy the chapter! Thanks for the reviews!

_**Intensity of one moment.**_

"You're a decent guy Karev, I'd hate to see Sloan beat it out of you."

Awkward, Awkward, Awkward stare! Addison couldn't help but stare at him a little bit and for some reason, looking into his eyes she had lost all thought. It was as if that day had made her re-evaluate everything she's ever seen Alex do and what she's heard.

What exactly made her stare that long and him stare back she's not that sure but about 30 seconds had passed and he still hadn't replied to her and thaaaat's when she started feeling uncomfortable. She tried to break the moment when she realized he was speechless too.

"Anyways…" Addison started trying to get him to say something and he cut her off.

"Yeah, thanks." He smiled at her a little and she just had to look down at the charts to come up with a reason to not look at him.

"Allright then."

"Okay…"

Addison looked at the floor and coughed a little as she practically bolted away from him, charts in hand. As soon as she headed out of the door she went to her office and sat there in shock for a minute. Not sure what the hell just happened.

"Seriously? What just happened? Addison, What happened?" She said out loud to herself and pulled out her mirror looking into it. "What was that??" She started rubbing her forehead her eyes closing.

"You know, talking into a mirror doesn't do well for your sex appeal Addie." Addison jumped slightly and looked up seeing Mark at from the doorway leaning against it. "You scared off my intern too, he just asked to be let off and I let him go. We need quality time right?"

For the first time in a long time Addison wasn't sure what to say and Mark just came in shutting the door behind him. He walked over to Addison and sat down in the chair in front of her and all she could do was stare at him. Trying to get the moment she and Alex had, to come to her and Mark.

"Addison? What's wrong?" He leaned forward and waved his hand in front of her face. "What's going on? You have the same daze Karev had a few minutes ago."

No No No! Having the same daze as Alex was bad! She snapped herself out of it and started to get up.

"What? Oh yeah! Sorry. I was just, reminiscing!" Addison started opening up the files again and then shut them a few times.

Mark reached over and grabbed her hands moving around the desk in front of her. "Are you in shock about Dr. Burke? Is that what's going on?" He said softly to her and kissed the palm of her hands. "It's okay to talk to me Addison…"

Addison eyed him as he came around the desk to her and then shivered a little when he kissed her palm. He always did that whenever they were together in New York. Every morning, never failed. It was his physical way of saying her hands could do nothing wrong. She wondered if Ale…no she didn't! She blinked again snapping herself out of that thought too.

Suddenly Mark's words clicked to her and she frowned pulling her hands out of his. "What about Preston?" They were on first name terms with each other, something she prided on with Burke. He wasn't on first name basic with Derek and she loved that!

The look on Mark's face scared Addison a little and she asked him again, this time a little firmer. "Mark, What about Dr. Burke?"

Mark hesitated but before he could speak Addison's pager went off. She grabbed it off of the desk…it was from the Chief. She headed for the door turning a little. "I'll talk to you later? Since you let Karev leave keep an eye out on Janelle for me and page me if an emergency happens."

"I told you boss more…I like it." Was the only reply Addison got from Mark. She rolled her eyes and headed up to the chief's office.

Addison actually ran into him as he was standing in front of the OR board. She paused a few feet deciding to just study him for a moment. He looked so…sad. She glanced at the board and then back at Richard. She immediately did a double take as she looked at the board again. Burke's name wasn't up there anymore!

She moved closer to him and put her hand on his arm. "Richard?" She said his first name softly knowing if he paged her he probably wanted a friend. She barely got a glance from him and he nodded turning to lead the way back to his office. She followed quietly knowing he looked pack and ready to go home; whether that be the hotel or Adele.

Addison sat down in the chair whenever they arrived in the office and heard him shut the door behind them. It scared her how calm he looked walking to his chair and he sat down. They were silent for a few moments and Addison wasn't about to be the first one to speak.

"I offered Dr. Burke Chief and he took it."

That was the first thing Richard said and Addison sat up more. "Well that's good right? Now you can go home to Adele…" She started out but he cut her off quietly.

"He took it and then his girlfriend came in here and told me he's not doing well. His hand…His hand tremors." His voice started to get a little agitated and Addison pulled the chair closer to his desk leaning in. "His hand tremors and he's been having her by his side just in case. She's a first year intern, Decanulating hearts Addison."

Addison stayed quiet knowing he probably needed to vent. She stared at him intently trying to take it all in. She didn't know Christina that well and her and Burke became friends just to piss Derek off.

" Dr. Yang decanulated a heart, with Preston's lead. He's a good teacher but his hand…his hand tremored and he didn't tell anyone. Not me, Not Derek. He only told Dr.Yang. I was giving him Chief Addison. I had things…things planned out. Dr. Burke got Chief of Surgery, Dr. Hahn would be Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery and I would retire going to my wife and telling her I loved her. I had planned…Planned to be reunited with her by this time tomorrow." Richard leaned forward putting his forehead in his hand. "What do I…What do I do now?"

"I uh…Richard." Addison couldn't think of anything to say and she got up moving over next to him and knelt down on her knees placing her hand on his arm. It was as close as she felt comfortable. Whenever Addison and Derek divorced they had hugged but right now Addison knew he probably didn't need a hug just someone to talk to.

They stayed like that for a moment before he lifted his head up looking down at Addison.

"I wanted to talk to you because, I knew you'd see my side of the story and not be upset with my choice of wanting Dr. Burke. You want to know the first thing Derek said to me when I told him what had happened. He asked me why I didn't choose him and to be honest the reason was you. I didn't tell him that but Addison, I felt bad for you. He was blinded by his lost pride of being second for one moment that he couldn't see that I was upset about the whole situation."

Addison blinked back tears and she moved her hand away from his arm and sat down leaning against the desk staring at the wall. How is it that Richard could explain why Derek was so upset with her and Mark in only 2 minutes when it took Addison months to try and figure it out.

Her throat started hurting from holding back the tears but she wasn't about to cry over Derek again. She had been doing great all day not crying but now…She looked up at Richard and he looked exhausted. She wanted to cry for him but crying in front of the Chief wasn't something she wanted to do.

"I can't tell you what to do." She whispered and then stared back at the wall. She thought for a second and continued to speak. "I say take a nice long bath, try calling Adele because I know she'd probably talk to you more about things and it'll show her that…that.." Her voice started breaking and she closed her eyes. "That you're at least trying."

Addison felt his hand on her shoulder and she started to move away. "Please don't. I'm trying to help you and honestly I'm fine!" She opened her eyes and started to get up from the floor and wiped away a few tears. Tears that were for the chief of course!

Richard stood up from the chair and picked up his briefcase again as Addison smoothed out her lab coat. They looked at each other and she felt a sense of calm come over both of them.

"Sleep?" Addison said meekly and started to smile.

"Yeah…I think I'll go sleep."

Addison walked out of the office with him and they both stayed silent on the way out to his car. She stood there and waved a little as he drove away and closed her eyes.

It was amazing how plans can suddenly change by just one movement, one thought, one look, one second, one word. It just took one thing to change everything.

(I know I know, Short chapter! 4 pages, yeesh, not even worth posting right? I had to post it because I didn't want to just jump into Callie/Addison talking all peppy and it's pretty late and I wanted to post something by the end of the night. Please Review: D)


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